Wednesday, February 17, 2016

I discuss Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid and snark about Tv Tropes Trope Pantheon

Note: This is a bit of a rant, so be warned.

I was bored recently, so I decided to try out an anime called Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid, with intention of giving it an episode by episode review via my blog.

I've watched some of it, and my eyebrows are permanently in my hairline over how ridiculous it is.

It's essentially a late night Cinemax lesbian porno in anime format with a storyline that's a weird mishmash of Cross Ange and Freezing, and the only reason it's not a straight hardcore porno is because nothing between the legs is shown.

It DOES have a plot, but even though I'm a male yuri fan, this shit is blowing my WTF meter out the ceiling due to it sheer silliness.

I decided to pop on over to TV Tropes to see what they had to say about it, and while the page for the series isn't too bad, I decided to see if anyone from the show wound up on the Trope Pantheon pages (a series with this much shameless cheesecake is obviously a candidate for that monument to autism), and being an autistic and former fan of it until I realized the interesting crossover fanfic to fan wank ratio was too damned stupid, I was not surprised to see this shit wedged into their cross media "gods of trope" project.

To their credit, the places of the characters they borrowed is logical enough, but I was instantly reminded why the Trope Pantheon now turns my stomach these days.

1. Most of that shit obviously has one author who can't fucking spell (their grammar is also laughable), has a massive Pretty Cure/Asura's Wrath/Blaz Blue/High School DxD boner, and is completely fucking obsessed with licking the taints of characters they loved from those series and blowing glitter up their asses.

2. I used to like the idea back when it was just an interesting "which characters would be embodiment's of tropes" project, but now it's just fan wank without any pretense anymore, often giving handjobs to other fanfics (it itself is one) while circlejerking over whatever is currently popular.

3. A lot of that shit is written with one hand. Anyone who says otherwise is a goddamned liar, especially the High School DxD sections, which read like the writings of a sad, lonely pervert trying to live the harem fantasy of the show protagonist at second hand. Whoever the fucking author is, I get it, I had my shameful weeaboo phase too, but seriously, quit jerking off and writing shit that tapdances on pissing off Google on TV Tropes and get laid IRL, your obvious desire to get your prick wet with anime girls is kinda revolting and pathetic.

4. I noticed Monster Girl Quest has some characters on the Pantheon.........considering how you guys can't even have a page on the actual games because of your Google masters, that's both funny and pathetic. Funny, because you guys go out of your way include it, but if that's the case, why don't you bring back Rance or any of the other H-Game/Hentai characters without hosting pages for them? It's also pathetic because (and I admit I'm smug here) you could host your shit elsewhere where you don't have to walk around censorship eggshells, so why do you insist staying where you can't actually give that stuff relevance to the rest of the wiki (as one of the purposes of the Pantheon project was to originally link back to actual content you discuss on the main works namespace).

5. TV Tropes is a site whose masters I've long made peace with, they have their site, I have mine, and I wish them the best, but I can't help but notice a lot of fun stuff they used to have is gone, and while some is gone for good reason, I wonder why the Pantheon isn't gone yet, especially considering they actually had pages where Bill Cosby and Christian Weston Chandler were considered fallen evil gods or some shit, and while they had a moment of self awareness and actually dealt with that problem, the Pantheon pages are a festering tumor of fan wank I don't doubt will give birth to something more fucked up.

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